I’m going to share with you a story on how i forgave myself. Growing up forgiving myself was really hard for me. there was so many people i hurt in my life.
When i use to try to fit in i would hurt friends because the group would tell me not to talk to other people even though they would nice to me. like, this one girl in high school. Going to my second high school, i was in the Special ED classes but people in my school called it the dumb class and nobody wanted to be our friends and they would walk by the class saying mean things. i was sitting in classroom when break started and this girl came up to me.
She had a leg brace on both of her legs and she sat next me. Her name was Beverly. we started talking and hanging out at break and lunch. Few months pass by, we became friends until a new girl came to the classroom with no friends. so i ask the new girl to hang out with us and we all did. 3 months came along, and the new girl made friends and introduce me to all her new friends. one day, the new girl and Beverly was sick. i was hanging out with the friends i was introduce by the new girl, they asked me ” if you still want to be our friend, you have to lose the girl with the leg brace.”
And i said “sure.” like it wasn’t hard to do. when my friend came back from being sick i told her i didnt want to be her friend and she was very sad. after that we never talked ever again. every time i saw her i never forgave myself for doing that to her even though many people has done that to me. after, years pass by i was going to Taco Bell with my boyfriend at that time and waiting in line to order. i saw Beverly and i felt like God wanted me to forgive myself. i told my boyfriend to hold on and i went up to her and said ” sorry for unfriending you, you were a good friend and would like to be friends again.” she said “i forgive you and i would like that.”
Oh man! i felt so much better. i let every thing go. God wanted me to forgive myself and i did. forgiving yourself is not about forgetting. forgiving yourself is about letting go of what you are holding against yourself so that you can move on with God. if God has moved on, shouldn’t we do the same thing?
“whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:9)
Life is full of choices and every choice we make will either take us in a good, positive direction or rob us of the opportunity to be a good person. when we refuse to forgive ourselves, we are are setting ourselves above others and that is pride.
“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18)
Forgiveness of oneself will bring self destruction, a haughty spirit and a fall. Christian forgiveness will bring peace.
Heavenly father, i’m praying to you because it’s so hard to forgive myself, for all the things i have ever done to people and hurt people. i know that pride is taking a hold on me and i want to let go. show me how to forgive myself. please help me to release and heal guilt, shame, reject, and fear. bring peace in my life and show me how to love, value and appreciate myself as you love, value and appreciate me. You are a good father to me. In Jesus Name! Amen!